10 rules dating my daughter
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: - Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
- Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. - Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.
Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.
You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.
If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.